7 Job Tips From A Confederacy of Dunces

7. When a true genius appears, you can know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in a confederacy against him. -Jonathan Swift

6."I find, dear reader, that I have grown accustomed to the hectic pace of office life... I have succeeded in in initiating several work-saving methods. I have taken to arriving at the office one hour later than I am expected. Therefore, I am far more rested and refreshed when I do arrive, and I avoid that bleak first hour of the working day during which my still sluggish senses and body make every chore a penance. I find that in arriving later, the work which I do perform is of a much higher quality. My innovation in connection with the filing system must remain secret for the moment, for it is rather revolutionary..."
~ Ignatius J. Reilly (as filing clerk) in Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

5. 'Employers sense in me a denial of their values.'

4. 'They fear me. I suspect that they can see that I am forced to function in a century I loathe.'

3. 'I am still in the process of adapting myself to the tension of the working world.'

2. I do admire the terror which Negroes are able to inspire in the hearts of some members of the white proletariat and only wish (This is a rather personal confession.) that I possessed the ability to similarly terrorize. The Negro terrorizes simply by being himself; I however, must browbeat a bit in order to achieve the same end. Perhaps I should have been a Negro. I suspect that I would have been a rather large and terrifying one, continually pressing my ample thigh against the withered thighs of old white ladies in public conveyances a great deal and eliciting more than one shriek of panic. Then, too, if I were a Negro, I would not be pressured by my mother to find a good job, for no good jobs would be available. Pg. 123

1. Apparently I lack some particular perversion which today's employer is seeking. Pg. 156

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7 Job Tips From A Confederacy of Dunces